I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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