Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
