That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
