If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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