...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
