you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
