thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
