Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
