The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
this hospital has no fireball
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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