allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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