Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
