I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
