Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
