If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
