Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just cropdusted the office
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
