Umm I'm too high to move.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize