I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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