Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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