I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
