The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
