If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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