I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
