I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
