You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
