Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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