I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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