sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
