from now on my penis is your penis
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
