I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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