He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
