one might say we're banned from that church
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
