did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
