oh god the rape fog is back!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
