Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
