Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
