I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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