Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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