if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
