Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
