Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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