I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I AM VODKA MAN
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
