spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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