you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
