no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
