I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
