No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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