Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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