Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
