I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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