just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize