She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
