the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
