Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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