Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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