I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
