just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
