is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
