Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
