How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
