Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
