Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
