My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
