Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize