Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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