apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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