So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
