she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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