i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
